From Depths We Rise

  PRAISE FOR FROM DEPTHS WE RISE

  “It’s one thing to talk about the moments you’ll need faith the most. It’s another to live through them. Sarah is someone whose story will inspire you to live your own!”

  —Jon Acuff, New York Times Bestselling Author of Do Over

  “Every life takes unexpected and, at times, heartbreaking turns. You will find, as I did, Sarah Rodriguez’s story of heartbreak, loss, and radical hope an inspiring one.”

  —Stasi Eldredge, New York Times Bestselling Author of Captivating and Becoming Myself

  “Stories are far more than just words on a page. They can be explosive agents of personal hope and transformation as you’re allowed to peer into someone’s most difficult moments, learning how they refused to let go. From Depths We Rise can be that story for all of us. Sarah Rodriguez gives a raw and intimate view of her heart as she walked through the valleys of disease, loss, death, and excruciating agony—yet still managing to emerge on the mountaintop. This inside view of her family’s unfathomable journey left me forever changed.”

  —Christa Black Gifford, Author, Speaker, Songwriter

  “People today wonder whether God is alive and still moving. Historical arguments and evidence abound that this is indeed the case, but more deeply than all of that, we want to know whether Christ is alive in us and cares about us. Sarah’s story will give you hope. Her strong faith in the midst of incredibly heartbreaking circumstances will help you see that God is not only alive, but that He loves you deeply. Which is the question we’re all really asking anyway.”

  —Carey Nieuwhof, Author and Founding Pastor, Connexus Church

  “You won’t be able to put this book down! Sarah’s story is beautiful, tragic, faith-filled, and absolutely inspiring. This reads like a Hallmark movie, bringing every emotion you have to the surface.”

  —Jim Burns, PhD., President, HomeWord, Author of Creating An Intimate Marriage and Confident Parenting

  “Prepare your heart for a tremendous journey of emotion as you read From Depths We Rise. In this poignant story of pain, loss, and hope, author Sarah Rodriguez brings you face-to-face with tremendous questions that each of us needs to wrestle to the ground. Where is God in the middle of my pain? Is He a God of miracles or just words? Can I completely trust Him with everything that is dear to me? This is a must-read for anyone who has ever asked these questions.”

  —Sherry Surratt, Director of Parenting Strategy, Orange Family Ministry, Former CEO of MOPS International, Author of Brave Mom

  “I could not put this book down! It’s a compelling story filled with a woman’s courage…. Sarah’s story will grant revived hope and faith that no matter what—God is good.”

  —Pam Kanaly, National Mother of Achievement, Author of The Single Mom and Her Rollercoaster Emotions, Director of Arise Ministries

  “I have seen death and experienced life. There is a fine line between despair and healing and the hope that comes with that. You can feel it in Sarah’s book. If you want to be encouraged and hope again, take in a deep dose of From Depths We Rise.”

  —Jeremie Kubicek, CEO & Co-Founder, Giant Worldwide, Bestselling Author of Leadership Is Dead and 5 Gears

  “From Depths We Rise is a window into an intimate struggle that will leave you breathless, yet graced with an understanding of faith only obtained in the darkest places of the human soul. What an extraordinary gift to be able to peer into the life of those who have walked through unexplainable pain and watch them emerge with such courage and purpose. For those of us who have ever uttered the words, ‘it wasn’t supposed to be like this,’ this book is a must-read. Sarah’s story will expose strength you never believed to exist, ignite even the faintest of hopes in a better tomorrow, and ultimately dare you to believe in the goodness of God. I didn’t want this book to end.”

  —Hillary Grantham, Director, Beads of Good

  “Radical people change and propel our hearts into deeper faith and joy. When you think you can’t bear another sorrow of Sarah’s story, she sets your heart ablaze and carries you from the ashes to a beauty and joy that transform and move you to deeper intimacy with Him. This is a story that everyone must read for this hour—it will change you forever.”

  —Amy Black, MA, LPC, Director and Founder of Gold Monarch Healing Center

  “I had the unique privilege of watching this painfully triumphant story be lived out in person. Sarah invites her readers into her personal journey in a refreshingly honest and hopeful way, yet she isn’t afraid to wrestle with the difficult questions of life and mysterious ways of God. Her story will inspire you to keep running, to not give up, and to believe that God is truly able to make beauty from ashes.”

  —Chris Bennett, Lead Pastor, Antioch Norman

  © 2016 by Sarah Rodriguez.

  Print ISBN 978-1-63409-862-5

  eBook Editions:

  Adobe Digital Edition (.epub) 978-1-68322-022-0

  Kindle and MobiPocket Edition (.prc) 978-1-68322-023-7

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted for commercial purposes, except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without written permission of the publisher.

  Churches and other noncommercial interests may reproduce portions of this book without the express written permission of Barbour Publishing, provided that the text does not exceed 500 words or 5 percent of the entire book, whichever is less, and that the text is not material quoted from another publisher. When reproducing text from this book, include the following credit line: “From From Depths We Rise, published by Barbour Publishing, Inc. Used by permission.”

  Cover image: Magnolia Adams Photography

  Published in association with The Blythe Daniel Agency, Inc., P.O.

  Box 64197, Colorado Springs, CO 80962.

  Published by Shiloh Run Press, an imprint of Barbour Publishing, Inc.,

  P.O. Box 719, Uhrichsville, Ohio 44683, www.shilohrunpress.com.

  Our mission is to publish and distribute inspirational products offering exceptional value and biblical encouragement to the masses.

  Printed in the United States of America.

  Acknowledgments

  My Savior ~ The author of our story, my steady, my hope. That all will see.

  My family ~ The constant in the storm and the piers of our foundation. We love you.

  Faithful blog readers ~ My unending gratitude to everyone who has followed our story, wept for us in our grief, and rejoiced with us in our triumph. To those who have sent prayers, messages, comments, and your love, it is humbling to be a part of this community.

  Joel and I were blessed to have the support of so many that loved and faithfully stood beside us as we walked through life’s most trying moments. Thank you to the following families ~ Brown, Calzadilla, Cooper, Crow, Davidson, Espinoza, Forester, Franklin, Freeman, Gipson, Grantham, Hall, Hamilton, Holquin, Hopkins, Kennedy, Leach, Ley, Maulsby, Munger, Paige, Painter, Park, Perez, Peterson, Poore, Randall, Rice, Selmon, Smith, Stokes, Terndrup, Williams, Wilson, Wimer, and Wuestenfeld.

  Antioch Norman ~ For the way you believed for and with us, until the very end.

  Bennett family ~ The way you fight for others is beyond compare. It’s an honor to do life closely together; there is no one I trust more. We love you deeply.

  Much love and appreciation to our extended families ~ the Siess, Wall, Rodriguez, and Alvarez families.

  To all the media outlets that told our story on a much bigger stage than we ever could’ve imagined ~ Thank you.

  To the cancer, chemo, infertility, and PICU staffs who leaked encouragement, love, and care to our family ~ We are forever grateful.

  Christa Black-Gifford, Amy and David Black, and the staff of Gold
Monarch ~ For your passion to see others whole and walking in freedom. You are mending hearts and changing lives in powerful ways, mine included.

  To the staff at Arise and the incredible team of writers at Anew Season ~ For the way you share of yourselves so selflessly with each and every reader.

  Crio and Beads of Good ~ For sowing beauty into the darkest of places.

  Magnolia Adams Photography ~ For the lovely way you choose to see the world.

  Blythe ~ For your belief in me and in our story. For all the ways you made both of those things better. So thankful for you.

  Kelly McIntosh and the entire staff at Barbour Publishing ~ For making this dream a reality and giving us the outlet to share our story with the world. We are forever grateful.

  Kaylee ~ For the steady, faithful presence you bring to our lives. We adore you.

  Lauren, Liz, Julie, Alisha, Teresa, Larissa, Lindsay, Taylor, Shyla, Stacy, Kimber, Megan, Shelly, and Hillary ~ For your deep friendship, love, and a safe place for my heart to call home.

  Pierre, Jorge, Simon, and Russ ~ For the joy and friendship you brought to Joel and the beautiful ways you keep his memory alive for our children.

  Lauren, Will, and Vince ~ I wouldn’t have trusted anyone else to document our story. Thank you for walking this journey beside me. You have put on film what my words weren’t able to capture, and it is a powerful thing. Love each of you immensely.

  Milo ~ You made me a mommy and made so many of my dreams come true. You are the joy and laughter that kept me going in my darkest hour. You are brave and you are strong. You have my heart and love forever.

  Ellis ~ You made me believe in the impossible again. You are the light that awakened hope in my heart and the hearts of many others. You are bold and you are mighty. You have my heart and love always.

  Joel, my love ~ God is the author of our story, you are the hero of it. Your love made me come alive and is still the force that moves me forward. Your life has inspired me in ways you will never know. One day we will dance among the ruins, together.

  CONTENTS

  Prologue

  Part I: The Depths

  Chapter 1—First Comes Love

  Chapter 2—Not Again

  Chapter 3—Time Stands Still

  Chapter 4—The Long Good-Bye

  Chapter 5—The Decision

  Part II: The Rise

  Chapter 6—A Love Story Continues

  Chapter 7—Life after Death

  Chapter 8—The Arrival

  Chapter 9—Don’t Let Her Go

  Chapter 10—My Sunshine

  Chapter 11—Daring to Hope

  Epilogue

  DEDICATION

  To the greatest loves my heart has ever known,

  my husband and our children.

  PROLOGUE

  Hello, I am Sarah!”

  You know when you go to an event and they have you wear those name tags with the cheesy greetings? I have never been a fan of them, mainly because they reveal so little. I am not interested in just a name but the person and his or her story.

  For a long while my life was simple, textbook. I grew up in the South, or the Midwest, depending on what view you have of the US map. Most people I know use the word y’all if that gives you any indication. I grew up in a good home, with a good family. I went to a good school and had a lot of friends. I went on family vacations, played sports, went to the movies, and had a pretty normal adolescence. Nothing to see here, folks!

  Then I got married to a wonderful man, and for a while things kept chugging along in the same normal flow I had come to know. We had the wedding and got the dog, the house, the jobs, and everything else you see people attain as they are first getting started. I was comfortable in the way I lived my life and expected life to keep moving forward the way it always had. Looking back, all the things I simply viewed as normal were gifts I didn’t even know I should be thankful for until they were stripped away piece by piece.

  I can even look back and see the moment when things started to turn. It started off simple enough, with a negative pregnancy test. Many women get them, right? For me it wasn’t just a negative test; it was the beginning of a series of events that put me on a high-speed train toward a life that was anything but normal. Surreal might actually be a more accurate description.

  From that point on, friends, even strangers, began to watch the events of our story unfold, sometimes in moments of triumph and then in moments of defeat. They have wept for us and prayed for the miraculous with us, loving my little family as if we were their own. They have seen from the outside looking in but were rarely able to understand what it feels like to be inside the story, until now.

  When I first meet you, I am not only interested in the name on your name tag. I want to get in a corner with you and talk one-on-one. If time runs out on us that evening, I want to meet you later on at a coffee shop to hear even more (even though I am not a coffee drinker; I can be a walking dichotomy, I know). I want to know who you are, what makes you, you, what makes you happy and sad, what makes you tick. I want to know where you came from and where you are going. I want to understand all the little pieces that make up your puzzle. I may have seen your story from a distance, but I want to understand it up close.

  So do you have some time to settle in? I have lots to tell you about me, about us, of how I journeyed from normal to a new normal. What I have to share will hopefully make you laugh—it might even make you cry—but I pray it leaves you filled with hope, because even as the story ends it is really just beginning. Sorry, I am getting a little ahead of myself. Since we are here, one-on-one, I am going to go ahead and rip off the name tag if that’s okay. I have never liked those things anyway….

  PART I

  THE DEPTHS

  CHAPTER 1

  First Comes Love

  Whatever you do, just promise me you will not meet a boy,” my mom said earnestly.

  It was an unseasonably warm January evening, and I was out for an after-dinner walk with my mom and sister. It was to be the last walk for the foreseeable future. In two days I was going to pack everything I could fit into two suitcases and board a plane for my big move from Oklahoma to New York City. This move was something I had been longing for, for quite a while, but never knew quite how to make it happen. My parents, while supportive of my dreams, were extremely concerned at the prospect. In the end my father had one request: if I was to move, I had to find a job before I go. No problem. When this girl sets her mind on something she will move heaven and earth to make it happen. In this instance, moving heaven and earth meant calling a woman about her receptionist job posting and begging her to hire me over the phone. It worked. She hired me on a Friday and asked if I could be there on a Monday. Of course I could, I told her.

  The next step was telling my parents that in seventy-two hours I would no longer be living under their roof. Instead, I would be taking everything I had to a city they’d never been to and living with people I had never met. It was definitely a sound and responsible plan. I was nothing if not determined.

  I knew it wasn’t boys my mom cared about. In fact, she was ready for me to find a boy, get married, and most importantly, have grandbabies. What she was not ready for was those grandbabies to be located halfway across the United States. I, on the other hand, was not in the same frame of mind. I was twenty-two years old and relishing the single life, with no significant other to worry about. I also knew that New York, though crowded, might not be the easiest city in which to meet people.

  “Mom, don’t worry,” I replied. “The last thing I am interested in is meeting a boy.”

  To my surprise, a mere twelve weeks later, I met the man of my dreams. He was a tall, dark, and handsome New Yorker, the total package. A friend introduced us and arranged our first meeting, which didn’t start off very smoothly. I went with him and a group of mutual friends on a trip to a large mall in West Nyack, New York. I immediately found him to be very attractive. He was gorgeous but also loud and brash, a
typical New Yorker and a total guy’s guy. I, on the other hand, am a not-so-loud midwestern gal who was brought up in an entirely different environment than he.

  The curt and to-the-point way in which he communicated would definitely take some getting used to. That was evident on that first day we met. Imagine my surprise that day when the first store on his agenda was Yankee Candle Company. Not only that, he seemed to be somewhat of a candle connoisseur, floating around from one candle to the next, taking in each one’s scent and speaking of them in knowing terms.

  I was intrigued by him and decided a little flirting might be in order—only I was terrible at it. That didn’t stop me from trying.

  I walked over to him, smiled coyly, and blurted out the first line that came to mind.

  “Ooh, looks like you’re really into candles, huh?”

  He looked back at me, looking completely unamused and slightly annoyed. “Yeah…so?” he replied, sounding offended.

  Hmm, I thought. Not quite the reaction I was hoping for.

  He was obviously irritated at my flirting gone awry. I was annoyed myself and decided I didn’t like him after all. Without so much as another word, I turned on my heels and left the store, trying my best to avoid him for the remainder of the day.

  What had, in those moments, annoyed me completely drew me in at the same time. This guy had managed to put me in my place in an instant. Not an easy thing to do with this feisty girl.

  We had the same group of friends, so I wasn’t able to avoid him for long. As much as I hated to admit it, I was still pretty captivated by him. I managed to downplay it when he was around and act like I couldn’t care less about his presence. He obviously wasn’t interested in me, so why waste my time? Imagine my surprise when a mere three weeks later he came up to me out of the blue and asked if I would be interested in having a movie night with him.